The Hawk Tomeo Experience !!

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=168 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" background="03fa11c3.gif"> <div> <IMG SRC="04883890.gif" border=0 width="131" height="137" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B> Online </B></div> <div> -------------------</div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.somethingawful.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.somethingawful.com"><U><IMG SRC="13b511f0.gif" border=0 width="81" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.newgrounds.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.newgrounds.com"><U><IMG SRC="13c581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.x-entertainment.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.x-entertainment.com"><U><IMG SRC="13d581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.brunching.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.brunching.com"><U><IMG SRC="1464b190.gif" border=0 width="75" height="25" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.geistmag.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.geistmag.com"><U><IMG SRC="19d511f0.gif" border=0 width="81" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.electronicwhore.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.electronicwhore.com"><U><IMG SRC="144581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.clamazon.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.clamazon.com"><U><IMG SRC="142581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A><A HREF="http://www.otakuworld.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.otakuworld.com"><U><IMG SRC="149581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://somethingawful.efront.com/taco/eric.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://somethingawful.efront.com/taco/er"><U><IMG SRC="143581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.selfhatred.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.selfhatred.com"><U><IMG SRC="14848480.gif" border=0 width="72" height="72" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B>The Hawk Tomeo Experience !!</B></div> <div> <IMG SRC="03ef4010.gif" border=0 width="500" height="1" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Some Really Stupid Crap"><U><B>Content</B></U></A><B> </B><A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Some Really Stupid Crap"><U><B>Fiesta !!</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Free Music "><U><B>Ultra-Modern Garbage Truck and the Child Molesters</B></U></A><B> (A Band)</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Awards !!! "><U><B>Awards I didn't actually win</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Monthly Contest !!!"><U><B>Monthly Contest</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<<Online>>-----------------------------------------------------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Whate ever today is, 2001 : </B>I found out that the guys that make "<A HREF="http://www.penny-arcade.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.penny-arcade.com"><U>Penny Arcade</U></A>" graduated from my highschool. It was in the school newspaper. </div> <div> The people who write one of the internet's most beloved comic strips graduated from my highschool. I hate everything that has to do with my school in any way.</div> <bR> <div>  I loved that comic before I found out about that. <I><B>From this day forth, I hate penny arcade.</B></I></div> <div> Heres an mp3 for you:  <a href="HTMLobj-424/Bif_Naked_-_Canadians.html"><u>"Canadians" by Bif Naked</u> </a>  . It's pleasantly refreshing.</div> <bR> <div> I hate myself and I want to die.</div> <div> I want to get shot in the face with a blow-dart gun and then slash my throat.</div> <bR> <div> <B>June 2, 9:00 PM 2001: </B>Today was the craziest news day ever. First, some guy that was running a meth lab managed to hold off a SWAT team for 6 hours.... <I>WITH A GODDAMN SWORD.</I> Yes, a sword. It took our boys in blue over six hours to finally capture a drug-addict with a sword. Second, a SK8er got stabbed in the throat by his girlfriend at the local skate-park. Third, six redneck kids have barricaded themselves into their crappy house and are holding off the cops with rifles and huntin' dogs. Both of the kid's parents have already been found dead near the house. They're stocked with enough supplies to last months. The news didnt really say why Spokane's elite squad of gumshoes were laying siege to the white trash house in the first place though. Well whatever, I think the kids would have better luck holding the Fascist pig force at bay with some swords, because our braindead cops cant seem to counteract them. I also think that the sk8er's girlfriend should stab me in the throat. I also wish I had a girlfriend. </div> <bR> <div> <B>May 30th, 5:12 PM 2001: </B>I really hate being alive. I wish someone would rape me and then stab me in the eye with a bamboo pole. </div> <bR> <div> <B>May 28th, 12:01 AM 2001: </B>Hey, I wrote a new article. Look for it in the essays & stories section. You can guess which one is new. Then you can shoot me in the head, because I want to die.</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 28th, 11:21 AM 2001: </B>Child Adoption is tough. With my record,<A HREF="http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2001-03-13/index.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2001-03-1"><U> I'd be lucky to get a fishing license</U></A>, much less a baby human being.  That's why I<A HREF="http://www.black-market-babies.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.black-market-babies.com"><U> buy all of my children from here.</U></A> I have no idea what's going on <A HREF="http://www.angelfire.com/band/confederatefagg/index2.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.angelfire.com/band/confederat"><U>here.</U></A> Or <A HREF="http://www.eeggs.com/funkycamel.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.eeggs.com/funkycamel.html"><U>here</U></A>. I love <A HREF="http://www.homestarrunner.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.homestarrunner.com"><U>this site</U></A> . The theme song is the best song ever.</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 21st, 3:21 PM 2001: </B>I have not updated in a long time, because for some reason Fortune city wouldn't let me upload. </div> <div> (Update: Ryan made me take down the post about his sideburn clad girlfriend)</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 8th, 9:34 PM 2001: </B><I>HOLY CRAP !!! </I> <B>A NEW MP3 </B>by everyone's favorite "alternative" band, ULTRAMODERN GARBAGE TRUCK and THE CHILD MO<FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#111111" FACE="Arial" >.</FONT>LESTERS !!! The new song is a digital hardcore remix of  "Hat Baby" by Azar Habib, which you might remember from a few updates back. You can hear it in the UMGT section. Two new Hawk2000 strips are up, and they both suck. I let Ryan write one of the comics.<I>The jig is up !! </I></div> <bR> <div> <B>May 7, 7:27 PM 2001: </B>I am useless, annoying and ugly. <I>Someone put a bullet in my skull now !! </I></div> <bR> <div> On a lighter note, I saw a baby fall out of a stroller onto it's head. The guy was pushing his baby in a stroller, not paying attention to where he was going, and BAM, he hits a curb. The baby tumbles out and thuds onto the pavement. He cursed loudly. His girlfriend slapped him and yelled at him. They got into a fight (ignoring the injured baby), and all my friends and I could do was laugh.</div> <bR> <div>  SEND ME HATE-MAIL !!!</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 6, 4:54 PM 2001: </B>Today I ran the Bloomsday Marathon (11.5 Miles), and since I didn't have any friends to run with, I brought a portable radio. I didn't realize that Spokane had the worst radio stations on earth until today. We have five 80's stations, 2 pop stations, 2 Christian stations, 1 rock station, and a jazz station. The jazz station isn't all that bad, but the rock station is so damn retarded that I want to stab myself in the face with a coffee table. Their airplay schedule includes :</div> <bR> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">60 hours of tire and aluminum siding ads</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">1 Limp Bizkit song</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">571 hours of ashtray ads</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">3 Creed Songs (Also, Creed is the worst band ever)</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">40 days and 40 nights of funnel cake ads</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">2 Godsmack songs (They sound like Pearl Jam trying to imitate White Zombie)</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">1000 and 1 Arabian nights of ads for hot dog buns</I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800ff0000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">An eternity of advertising themselves. Or for "Crazy Anne Carla".</I></div> <bR> <div> As you can see, I should have my own radio station so the city of Spokane (AKA Seattle lite) can hear <I>good </I>music, or at least music that I like. I'll tell you, <I>Sheep on Drugs, Bjork, GG Allin </I>and<I> Cradle of Filth</I> would be all you would hear 24 hours a day. I hope <A HREF="http://www.ouchytheclown.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.ouchytheclown.com/"><U>Ouchy the Clown</U></A> kills me. </div> <bR> <div> <B>May 5, 4:18 PM 2001: </B>Ryan is being a fag. He's refusing to come over and watch the damn Clerks series DVD. He's talking to me on the phone and I dot know what he's talking about.</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 5, 3:40 AM 2001: </B>I think I'm going to start updating this site on an hourly basis. I'm going to bed now. I hope I die in my sleep.</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 5, 3:20 AM 2001: </B>I know this guy named Gavin. He's come up with some of the most bizzare/stupid things anyone has ever heard. Here's a small sample of the Gavin wit:</div> <bR> <div> <I>"You know what the most powerful gun in the world would be? A LAVA GUN !!!"</I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"Woah, those pots sound like rapids !!!"</I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"You know what gun would be more powerful than a lava gun? A BOOB GUN !!!"</I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"WOAH WOAH WOAH !! Is that a bat? oh...... Its just a broom"</I></div> <bR> <div> <I>"I think the worlds best car would be one that could drive in a lake of lava and boobs"</I></div> <bR> <div> Note that none of these were taken out of the context of a conversation. He just wandered up to us and said these things for no readily apparent reason. He's said weirder stuff, but that's all I can think of at the moment. He used to have a haircut where his head looked like a bullet. </div> <bR> <div> <B>May 5, 2:30 AM 2001: </B>I drank a diet Cherry coke. Also I fell down a flight of stairs. On accident.<I> </I></div> <div> One time, at some camp or something, my friend Ryan was trying to hit on this chick that flew into a rage every time someone said words like "death" or "die" or "injured". In an attempt to win the heart of this fair Maiden, he came up with the absolute <I>Worst </I>compliment of all time :</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>"Your Face is so smooth"</B></div> <bR> <div> Oh my god. We made fun of him for weeks. Later we sold all of his belongings while he was away eating at Dairy Queen or whatever. We set up a booth and everything. It was kind of like this :       </div> <div>                            <B>Hawk: </B><I>All of Ryan's stuff must </I><I><B>GO GO GO !!</B></I></div> <div> <B>                           AJ : </B><I> That's right ! We have to sell all of his stuff before he gets back !        </I></div> <div> <I>                          </I><B>Customer: </B><I>How much for the bed?</I></div> <div> <B>                           AJ : </B><I>.................. free. </I></div> <div> That's all I have to say about Ryan. For now.</div> <bR> <div> <B>May 4, 10:46 PM 2001: </B>Today I discovered that <A HREF="http://www.electronicwhore.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.electronicwhore.com"><U>Electronicwhore.com </U></A>(which is a site with information on how to create electronic music, not porn) has gone offline. Or something. I guess it doesn't matter. No one goes to my links anyway. Also, everyone hates me and I should slit my wrists. Oh, wait a minute. <A HREF="http://www.electronicwhore.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.electronicwhore.com"><U>Electronicwhore.com</U></A> doesn't have information on how to create Techno. Actually, I cant remember what the hell Electronicwhore did in the first place. Wait, now I remember, they had insane ramblings from some dyke named "Jaqkcuiy" or something. And a gorgeous Goth girl on one of the web cams. Or maybe that was <A HREF="http://www.cyber-funk.net/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.cyber-funk.net"><U>Cyber-funk.net</U></A>. Well I don't care. I have to go shoot myself. <I>Au Revois.</I> <I>Revuais. whatever.</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>May 4, 8:30 PM 2001 : </B>  I was going to buy the live Slayer album "Decade of Aggression" but my mom wouldn't let me buy it because one of the songs had the word "blood" in the title. Under her line of logic, since the song has the word blood, its automatically about murdering women. I'm serious, she really said that since the song had "blood" in the title it was about the murder of women. She creates her own meanings to songs she's never heard.  Since I couldn't get the Slayer CD, I went off to buy "The Cell" on DVD. I couldn't get that either, because the box art is mainly red. Red means blood. Blood means the murder of women. I hate her. I hate my life. I am so unloved.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Whatever day it is, 2001: </B>Don't go <A HREF="http://goatse.cx/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://goatse.cx"><U>here</U></A>. I warned you.  Also, new comics.</div> <bR> <div> <B>October 19, 1998: </B>OH MY GOD, <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" ><A HREF="http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatt"><U>"Hat Baby" by Azar Habib</U></A></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" >  </FONT>Is the greatest music video of all time !!!</div> <div> I now have a reason to live. But seriously, I don't think this video was meant to be laughed at. I think its Turkish or something. Whatever. </div> <bR> <div> <B>October 19, 2001: </B>I hate you. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Whatever today is, 2001 : </B>Here's some <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" >Hawk 2000 comics</FONT>.(Update: They have been moved to the comics  section) None of them are funny. Or even entertaining. I am going to jump in front of a speeding car and commit suicide.</div> <bR> <div> <B>April -14, 890 BC : </B>Today's the big day !!! The site is back up !!! Oh joy. I'm going to kill myself</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Help me, I am lonely and need a friend. My E-mail is <A HREF="mailto:htomeo@selfhatred.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:htomeo@selfhatred.com"><U>Htomeo@selfhatred.com</U></A>. </div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id8.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="ME !!!"><U><B>M</B></U></A><B>e</B></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>